Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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