just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
