I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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