I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
