Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
