ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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