piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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