Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
