he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
