Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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