he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize