I hope mine doesn't look like that
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
