i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
this just has baby written all over it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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