I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
