Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
