If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
