all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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