you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
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I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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