he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
