weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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