6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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