Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
