I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
