either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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