If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
