The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
