I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
