Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
