so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
