hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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