Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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