it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
