dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
