Cold hands, warm shart.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
being pregnant is like rehab
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
