Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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