I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
