If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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