Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We are two peas in an std pod
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
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So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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