sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
