We named our party play list daddy issues
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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