So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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