Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
