I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
