Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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