How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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