Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
