Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
