Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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