Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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