im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
