4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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