I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
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She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
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we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration