I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"