Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?