Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
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GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!