I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
God, I missed his penis.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
