end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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