Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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