I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
