Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
