I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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