i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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