I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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