That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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