he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
