new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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