Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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