I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
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DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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