I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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