I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
