i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
