My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
