she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
