She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize