my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just blew my weed a kiss
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
