im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
