true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
