Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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