Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
