i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
