i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
