My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
