wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
