You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
