Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
