I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
