I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
