My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
