i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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